Jesus of Nazareth starts riot in the most sacred of places
March 4th AD 33
The Temple today was desecrated after self-styled preacher and 'messiah' Jesus of Nazareth burst in and started a riot. The exact motivation for this outburst which will shock many is unclear but eyewitness accounts suggest Jesus was objecting to the long-established traders who provide sacrifices for everyday worshipers.
Around sunrise yesterday Jesus and his usual bunch of thugs burst into the temple and began intimidating local businessmen and disrupting the usual peaceful running of our most holy site. Several stall-owners lost all their stock as birds and lambs broke free - leading to the horrific sight of the Holy Temple looking like a farmyard. We have also heard reports of looting from the disrupted stalls.
The clear-up continues today and the anger amongst local businessmen and religious leaders was obvious: One told me "I'm working hard for a living whilst he scrounges off others, then he does this... I'm lost for words" whilst another said "There's no excuse for this kind of vandalism - all we're trying to do is make living." One of the Teachers of the Law was incandescent with rage "This kind of outrage is an offence before God, it's bad enough for him to be spouting his nonsensical teaching in public but to desecrate the temple in this way is unforgivable!"
Most shocking of all, perhaps is that condemnation of Jesus' actions was not universal with some claiming that the various temple businesses have been profiteering at the expense of earnest worshipers for years. The suggestion of over-charging and dishonesty was vehemently and angrily denied by the Chief Priest.
Daily Wail Reporter