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March 6th AD 30
Radical
preacher, Jesus of Nazareth was today involved in yet another scandal
as he was speaking in a private house in Judea. A large crowd had
gathered to hear him speak and it seems that some very keen to meet him
had been unable to get in. Not to be deterred this small band of
hooligans climbed on to the roof of the private residence and broke
through the roof so they could lower their allegedly-disabled friend to
see the enigmatic rabbi.
On-lookers were said to be shocked when
parts of the roof started falling on to the crowd gathered inside -
although there are no confirmed reports of serious injuries at least one
source told us they saw several people covered in blood. Yet the most
shocking part of this story is that having committed their act of
vandalism and interrupted Jesus speaking, rather than condemn such an
antisocial act, Jesus reportedly commended them and was then said to
make some weird claim of divinity before the 'disabled' man was seen to
walk out of the front of the house.
We found one of the
neighbours who said "I always knew he was faking being crippled, too
lazy to work, that's his problem - day after day begging in the streets -
and now he's been miraculously 'healed' - it's just obscene what some
people try to get away with."
We spoke to several locals who were concerned that such blatant acts of
vandalism in broad daylight would lead to a collapse in property prices
in the town and that the sooner Jesus left the better.
Daily Wail Reporter
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