Monday 26 August 2013

Jesus Responsible for Fall in House Prices

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March 6th AD 30

Radical preacher, Jesus of Nazareth was today involved in yet another scandal as he was speaking in a private house in Judea. A large crowd had gathered to hear him speak and it seems that some very keen to meet him had been unable to get in. Not to be deterred this small band of hooligans climbed on to the roof of the private residence and broke through the roof so they could lower their allegedly-disabled friend to see the enigmatic rabbi.

On-lookers were said to be shocked when parts of the roof started falling on to the crowd gathered inside - although there are no confirmed reports of serious injuries at least one source told us they saw several people covered in blood. Yet the most shocking part of this story is that having committed their act of vandalism and interrupted Jesus speaking, rather than condemn such an antisocial act, Jesus reportedly commended them and was then said to make some weird claim of divinity before the 'disabled' man was seen to walk out of the front of the house.

We found one of the neighbours who said "I always knew he was faking being crippled, too lazy to work, that's his problem - day after day begging in the streets - and now he's been miraculously 'healed' - it's just obscene what some people try to get away with." We spoke to several locals who were concerned that such blatant acts of vandalism in broad daylight would lead to a collapse in property prices in the town and that the sooner Jesus left the better.  

Daily Wail Reporter

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