Radical Rabbi Advocates Boozy Parties

Controversial ‘Teacher’, known commonly as Jesus of Nazareth, embarks to undermine social standards, opting rather for a care-free, ‘live and let die’ attitude to life.

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May 13th AD 32

Having recently travelled to the area of Galilee, the Nazarene quickly drew attention to himself in the way he interacted with the infirm, claiming to heal people from their illnesses, as well as consorting with known offenders and con artists.  His action were not missed by the local Pharisees, who were concerned what this effect this new bohemian behavior might have on the community. But it was not until his evening activities took place that those of traditional family values were also greatly unsettled.

“One of the swindlers in town got chatting to this Nazarene, and invited him over for a big party at his house, boasting about the food he’d have and how much drink will be available,” says one of the distressed mothers of the town.

It comes to no surprise that the ‘Teacher’, who lives the lifestyle of a vagabond, would so openly welcome the opportunity to squat in a warm home and drink copious amounts of alcohol. 

It was reported that the Pharisees personally went to address this man the morning following the big carouse, which left many neighbours disturbed late into the night. They stated that they felt it is their personal responsibility to protect the people from the jeopardizing activities this man so forcefully endorses. Sources confirm that the Nazarene’s response to their charges were unsettling for the authorities to hear; “Despite our attempts to reason with the man, he stood by his convictions, telling us repeatedly to ‘make the most of it’ and ‘party on while you can.’ We want to make it clear to the people we do not condone this reckless behaviour and will do our utmost to ensure our town does not become riddled with party-goers and drunkards.”

Towns people have found solace in the rumour that this man does not stay in any one place for a long time, and trust that their genteel way of life with return to normal upon his departure. The authorities however have decided to open up a further investigation into the so called ‘teachings’ of this Nazarene, for fear of an insurgent rising amongst the questionable characters he chooses to fraternize with. 

 Zipporah Script